Turkeys on the Moon… from Michael Moore
don’t know, maybe it’s just me, but ya think Michael Moore’s sounding a
little…bitter? See below.
getting some traction for that; we have conservatives expressing puzzlement about why
they’re so angry; or whether or not that will
sell; we have self-hating liberals apologizing for
their anger and conservative pundits leaping at any opportunity to turn an angry
word into a noose(ooooh! He said the F word! Ooooohhh!) I suppose we have a good
year (and hopefully no more!) of this acrimony to look forward to, and even more
invective to come. I just hope that our anger remains righteous, and doesn’t
become a mere posture. There is much to be rightly angry about, and it still
blows my mind that these issues are somehow seen as things that would only make
a liberal angry–don’t conservatives care about fiscal conservatism, leaving a
habitable world for their children, and enjoying a quality life of good health,
air, and water too?
who say the Democrats need to chill out their rhetoric (again, I’ve been one of
them) would do well to remember that, judging from the success of his work,
Michael Moore’s speaking for a lot of people out there.
Turkeys on the Moon… from Michael
Moore
December 8, 2003
Dear Mr. Bush,
Well, it’s going
on two weeks now since your surprise visit to one of the two countries you now
run and, I have to say, I’m still warmed by the gesture. Man, take me along next
time! I understand only 13 members of the media went with you — and it turns
out only ONE of them was an actual reporter for a newspaper. But you did take
along FIVE photographers (hey, I get it, screw the words, it’s all about the
pictures!), a couple wire service guys, and a crew from the Fox News Channel
(fair and balanced!).
Then, I read in the paper this weekend that that
big turkey you were holding in Baghdad (you know, the picture that’s supposed to
replace the now-embarrassing footage of you on that aircraft carrier with the
sign “Mission Accomplished”) — well, it turns out that big, beautiful turkey of
yours was never eaten by the troops! It wasn’t eaten by anyone! That’s because
it wasn’t real! It was a STUNT turkey, brought in to look like a real edible
turkey for all those great camera angles.
Now I know some people will
say you are into props (like the one in the lower extremities of your flyboy
suit), but hey, I get it, this is theater! So what if it was a bogus turkey? The
whole trip was bogus, all staged to look like “news.” The fake honey glaze on
that bird wasn’t much different from the fake honey glaze that covers this war.
And the fake stuffing in the fake bird was just the right symbol for our country
during these times. America loves fake honey glaze, it loves to
be stuffed, and, dammit, YOU knew that — that’s what makes you so in touch with
the people you lead!
It was also a good idea that you made the “press”
on that trip to Baghdad pull the shades down on the plane.
No one in the media entourage complained. They like the shades pulled and they
like to be kept in the dark. It’s more fun that way. And, when you made them
take the batteries out of their cell phones so they wouldn’t be able to call
anyone, and they dutifully complied — that was genius! I think if you had told
them to put their hands on their heads and touch their noses with their tongues,
they would have done that, too! That’s how much they like you. You could have
played “Simon Says” the whole way over there. It wouldn’t have been that much
different from “Karl Says,” a game they LOVE to play every day with Mr. Rove.
Well, if you’re planning any surprises for Christmas, don’t forget to
include me. When I heard last week that you wanted to send a man back to the
moon, I thought, get the fake goose ready — that’s where ol’ George is going
for the holidays! I don’t blame you, what with nearly 3 million jobs
disappeared, and a $281 billion surplus disappeared, and the
USA stuck in a war that will never end
– who wouldn’t want to go to the moon! This time, take ALL the media with you!
Embed them on the moon! They’ll love it there! It looks just like Crawford! You
can golf on the moon, too. You’ll have so much fun up there, you might not want
to come back. Better take Cheney with you, too. Pretend it’s a medical
experiment or something. “That’s one small step for man, one giant leap for
every American who’s sick and tired of all this crap.”
Yours,
Michael Moore
mmflint@aol.com
www.michaelmoore.com
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