The Yes Men Prank the National Petroleum Council
Folks,
I have been wondering what the 600th GetRealList article would turn out to be. How appropriate that it would be this, a bit of real-life satire about oil and global warming.
If was a great prank: nobody got hurt (well, maybe a few egos); it was a trenchant critique; they totally fell for it. I think Abbie Hoffman would be proud.
Think their prank was far-fetched? Well then consider this sardonic quip from Prof. Tad Patzek of UC Berkeley, on the excessively optimistic numbers quoted by the DOE/USDA on the crop yield potential for biofuels: “To utilize all residues, I suggest to also process fresh corpses into biofuels.”
If you don’t know who the Yes Men are (or even if you do) check out their Web site and some of their projects. What they do is just the antidote for the mass-media controlled hallucination that passes for reality in these crazy times.
On a related note, a friend called me this afternoon and said that he saw a banner hung over the road in Pacifica, CA saying “My country invaded Iraq and all I got was this expensive gas.”
Sounds like another entry for the Freeway Blogger: http://www.freewayblogger.com/archive.htm
Nothing like a little harmless civil disobedience to shake people out of that hallucination. And boy, do we have one going now. The more the reality of peak oil and global warming and what we’re doing (and not doing) comes into focus, the more amazed I am at how wide a reality gap–no, a reality gulf–there is between the things we’re doing today and the reality that’s just around the next bend. It’s enough to make you feel a little schizo.
June 14, 2007
FOR IMMEDIATE RELEASE
EXXON PROPOSES BURNING HUMANITY FOR FUEL IF CLIMATE CALAMITY HITS
Conference organizer fails to have Yes Men arrested
Text of speech, photos, video: http://www.vivoleum.com/…
GO-EXPO statement: http://newswire.ca/…
Press conference before this event, Friday, Calgary: http://arusha.org/…
Contact: mailto:fuel@theyesmen.org
More links at end of release.
Imposters posing as ExxonMobil and National Petroleum Council (NPC)
representatives delivered an outrageous keynote speech to 300 oilmen
at GO-EXPO, Canada’s largest oil conference, held at Stampede Park in
Calgary, Alberta, today.
The speech was billed beforehand by the GO-EXPO organizers as the
major highlight of this year’s conference, which had 20,000
attendees. In it, the “NPC rep” was expected to deliver the long-awaited
conclusions of a study commissioned by US Energy Secretary
Samuel Bodman. The NPC is headed by former ExxonMobil CEO Lee
Raymond, who is also the chair of the study. (See link at end.)
In the actual speech, the “NPC rep” announced that current U.S. and
Canadian energy policies (notably the massive, carbon-intensive
exploitation of Alberta’s oil sands, and the development of liquid
coal) are increasing the chances of huge global calamities. But he
reassured the audience that in the worst case scenario, the oil
industry could “keep fuel flowing” by transforming the billions of
people who die into oil.
“We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant,” said
“NPC rep” “Shepard Wolff” (actually Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men),
before describing the technology used to render human flesh into a
new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum. 3-D animations of the process
brought it to life.
“Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of
fossil fuel production,” noted “Exxon rep” “Florian Osenberg” (Yes
Man Mike Bonanno). “With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of
disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will
continue to flow for those of us left.”
The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit
“commemorative candles” supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the
flesh of an “Exxon janitor” who died as a result of cleaning up a
toxic spill. The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video
tribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles
after his death, and all became crystal-clear.
At that point, Simon Mellor, Commercial & Business Development
Director for the company putting on the event, strode up and
physically forced the Yes Men from the stage. As Mellor escorted
Bonanno out the door, a dozen journalists surrounded Bichlbaum, who,
still in character as “Shepard Wolff,” explained to them the
rationale for Vivoleum.
“We’ve got to get ready. After all, fossil fuel development like that
of my company is increasing the chances of catastrophic climate
change, which could lead to massive calamities, causing migration and
conflicts that would likely disable the pipelines and oil wells.
Without oil we could no longer produce or transport food, and most of
humanity would starve. That would be a tragedy, but at least all
those bodies could be turned into fuel for the rest of us.”
“We’re not talking about killing anyone,” added the “NPC rep.” “We’re
talking about using them after nature has done the hard work. After
all, 150,000 people already die from climate-change related effects
every year. That’s only going to go up – maybe way, way up. Will it
all go to waste? That would be cruel.”
Security guards then dragged Bichlbaum away from the reporters, and
he and Bonanno were detained until Calgary Police Service officers
could arrive. The policemen, determining that no major infractions
had been committed, permitted the Yes Men to leave.
Canada’s oil sands, along with “liquid coal,” are keystones of Bush’s
Energy Security plan. Mining the oil sands is one of the dirtiest
forms of oil production and has turned Canada into one of the world’s
worst carbon emitters. The production of “liquid coal” has twice the
carbon footprint as that of ordinary gasoline. Such technologies
increase the likelihood of massive climate catastrophes that will
condemn to death untold millions of people, mainly poor.
“If our idea of energy security is to increase the chances of climate
calamity, we have a very funny sense of what security really is,”
Bonanno said. “While ExxonMobil continues to post record profits,
they use their money to persuade governments to do nothing about
climate change. This is a crime against humanity.”
“Putting the former Exxon CEO in charge of the NPC, and soliciting
his advice on our energy future, is like putting the wolf in charge
of the flock,” said “Shepard Wolff” (Bichlbaum). “Exxon has done more
damage to the environment and to our chances of survival than any
other company on earth. Why should we let them determine our future?”
About the NPC and ExxonMobil: About the NPC and Exon Mobil
About the Alberta oil sands: About Alberta oil sands
About liquid coal: Sierra club on liquid coal
Protestors Spring Big Hoax on Oil Expo Audience
A man named “S.K. Wolff,” claiming to be an analyst for the Washington-based National Petroleum Council, and co-speaker “Florian Osenberg,” said to represent ExxonMobil, were getting ready to show a memorial video made by Watts when security officers forcibly ushered the two men from the stage.
Wolff is really Andy Bichlbaum and Osenberg is Mike Bonanno — or so they say.
As the Yes Men, the pair have travelled the world with an anti-globalization agenda perpetrating hoaxes on groups ranging from the World Trade Organization to the BBC.
In Calgary, ostensibly to promote their book and a documentary they filmed three years ago at the Plaza Theatre tonight, the activists said they couldn’t resist taking a shot at the oil and gas trade show, held over three days this week at Stampede Park.
“This was a great opportunity for us, like the holy grail, really,” said Bichlbaum. “We’ve never had an audience like this. These people are wrecking the Earth and they’re quite conscious of it.”
The premise of the presentation, which included a PowerPoint lecture by “S.K. Wolff,” was that as humans begin to die as a result of calamities caused by climate change, their remains could be harvested for an alternative fuel source called “vivoleum” that would eventually replace oil.
Osenberg, supposedly the director of human resources with the vivoleum program, took the stage carrying a lit candle while volunteers handed out candles to the audience.
The approximately 250 assembled guests were told the vivoleum for the candles had been “sourced” from an ExxonMobil maintenance worker who donated it before dying of cancer.
The candles were actually made of wax and human hair gathered from barbershops.
Organizers of GO-Expo were not impressed with the stunt.
Officials from dmg world media, the company that runs GO-Expo, apologized profusely for the incident.
Police were called in, but no charges were laid and no investigation will be launched, said a spokesman.
Bichlbaum and Bonanno said they were each issued a $287 fine for trespassing.
“The organizers were furious,” said Bichlbaum. “They thought we should be charged with crimes against humanity or something. The police were great. They were just going to let us go, but the organizers insisted we be charged with criminal trespass.”
The Yes Men started their unique form of protesting when they created a fake WTO website to protest the Seattle summit in 1999. When conferences began inviting them to speak, thinking they were actual representatives of the WTO, they began accepting.
Bichlbaum said he was invited to the GO-Expo event by organizers who saw the vivoleum website the duo concocted.
The Yes Men are appearing at the Plaza Theatre tonight to present a multimedia show of their past hoaxes.
With files from Ashok Dutta and Gina Teel, Calgary Herald
Copyright © 2007 CanWest Interactive
Conference Organizer Fails to Have ‘Yes Men’ Arrested
WASHINGTON – JUNE 15 –
Text of speech, photos, video: http://www.vivoleum.com/event/
GO-EXPO statement: http://newswire.ca/en/releases/archive/June2007/14/c5086.html
Press conference before this event, Friday, Calgary: http://arusha.org/event/7214
More links at end of release.
Imposters posing as ExxonMobil and National Petroleum Council (NPC) representatives delivered an outrageous keynote speech to 300 oilmen at GO-EXPO, Canada’s largest oil conference, held at Stampede Park in Calgary, Alberta, today.
The speech was billed beforehand by the GO-EXPO organizers as the major highlight of this year’s conference, which had 20,000 attendees. In it, the “NPC rep” was expected to deliver the long-awaited conclusions of a study commissioned by US Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman. The NPC is headed by former ExxonMobil CEO Lee Raymond, who is also the chair of the study. (See link at end.)
In the actual speech, the “NPC rep” announced that current U.S. and Canadian energy policies (notably the massive, carbon-intensive exploitation of Alberta’s oil sands, and the development of liquid coal) are increasing the chances of huge global calamities. But he reassured the audience that in the worst case scenario, the oil industry could “keep fuel flowing” by transforming the billions of people who die into oil.
“We need something like whales, but infinitely more abundant,” said “NPC rep” “Shepard Wolff” (actually Andy Bichlbaum of the Yes Men), before describing the technology used to render human flesh into a new Exxon oil product called Vivoleum. 3-D animations of the process brought it to life.
“Vivoleum works in perfect synergy with the continued expansion of fossil fuel production,” noted “Exxon rep” “Florian Osenberg” (Yes Man Mike Bonanno). “With more fossil fuels comes a greater chance of disaster, but that means more feedstock for Vivoleum. Fuel will continue to flow for those of us left.”
The oilmen listened to the lecture with attention, and then lit “commemorative candles” supposedly made of Vivoleum obtained from the flesh of an “Exxon janitor” who died as a result of cleaning up a toxic spill. The audience only reacted when the janitor, in a video tribute, announced that he wished to be transformed into candles after his death, and all became crystal-clear.
At that point, Simon Mellor, Commercial & Business Development Director for the company putting on the event, strode up and physically forced the Yes Men from the stage. As Mellor escorted Bonanno out the door, a dozen journalists surrounded Bichlbaum, who, still in character as “Shepard Wolff,” explained to them the rationale for Vivoleum.
“We’ve got to get ready. After all, fossil fuel development like that of my company is increasing the chances of catastrophic climate change, which could lead to massive calamities, causing migration and conflicts that would likely disable the pipelines and oil wells. Without oil we could no longer produce or transport food, and most of humanity would starve. That would be a tragedy, but at least all those bodies could be turned into fuel for the rest of us.”
“We’re not talking about killing anyone,” added the “NPC rep.” “We’re talking about using them after nature has done the hard work. After all, 150,000 people already die from climate-change related effects every year. That’s only going to go up – maybe way, way up. Will it all go to waste? That would be cruel.”
Security guards then dragged Bichlbaum away from the reporters, and he and Bonanno were detained until Calgary Police Service officers could arrive. The policemen, determining that no major infractions had been committed, permitted the Yes Men to leave.
Canada’s oil sands, along with “liquid coal,” are keystones of Bush’s Energy Security plan. Mining the oil sands is one of the dirtiest forms of oil production and has turned Canada into one of the world’s worst carbon emitters. The production of “liquid coal” has twice the carbon footprint as that of ordinary gasoline. Such technologies increase the likelihood of massive climate catastrophes that will condemn to death untold millions of people, mainly poor.
“If our idea of energy security is to increase the chances of climate calamity, we have a very funny sense of what security really is,” Bonanno said. “While ExxonMobil continues to post record profits, they use their money to persuade governments to do nothing about climate change. This is a crime against humanity.”
“Putting the former Exxon CEO in charge of the NPC, and soliciting his advice on our energy future, is like putting the wolf in charge of the flock,” said “Shepard Wolff” (Bichlbaum). “Exxon has done more damage to the environment and to our chances of survival than any other company on earth. Why should we let them determine our future?”
About the NPC and ExxonMobil: http://ga3.org/campaign/lee_raymond/explanation
About the Alberta oil sands: http://www.sierraclub.ca/prairie/tarnation.htm
About liquid coal: http://www.sierraclub.org/coal/liquidcoal/